I'm grieving over the loss of the America that I thought existed. I know America still struggles against problems with racism and sexism, but I thought we were getting better. I thought the long arc of history was bending toward justice. I thought American ideals were to accept the world's tired, the world's poor, the world's huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
But it's not. And it hasn't been.
So, I've been grieving. I've been switching back and forth between Anger and Depression and I've been talking to a therapist weekly. I can't watch political shows on TV (not even The Daily Show) because they enrage me when I hear about all of the shit going on and I don't have any kind of outlet for that rage. It doesn't make me feel better to yell at Trevor Noah or Rachel Maddow. Facebook has been a double-edged sword, because even though it gives me the ability to dump some of my rage, it is still so incredibly rage-inducing that I don't know if it's a net positive.
And as I deal with my grief, I ask myself:
What will Acceptance look like?
The grieving process ends with Acceptance. I'm very clear on the fact that reaching the Acceptance stage of the grief process doesn't mean Acquiescence or Agreement, so I'm not expecting to find a way to be ok with White Supremacists taking over the White House and enacting the steps necessary to institute an autocratic fascist regime. But what can it possibly look like?